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I absolutely love public libraries—free books, what’s not to love? BUT the downside? My ever-growing backlog of books I’ll probably never get through. If only human reading speed could keep up… truly tragic.

Okay, enough whining. I am now reading Poor Charlie’s Almanac. Luckily, there is a beautiful FREE digital version online!!

Just finished Talk One from the book—Charlie Munger’s 1986 Harvard School Commencement Speech (not to be confused with Harvard University). First impression: Wow, Munger’s knowledge is vast (had to look up so many references). Second impression: Wow, he’s hilarious!

Inspired by his talk, I asked ChatGPT to craft a similar piece of advice—this time, tailored for middle-aged folks like me. ChatGPT’s writing is not nearly as intellectually interesting as Munger’s talk, but at least it’s somewhat funny (okay, also not as funny as Munger’s talk, but it’s not horrible).

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[Written by ChatGPT]

How to Be Miserable in Middle Age: A Foolproof Guide

(Inspired by Charlie Munger, But With Even More Self-Inflicted Suffering)

So, you’ve reached middle age—congratulations! You’ve made it through the reckless decisions of youth, the burdens of early adulthood, and now you stand on the precipice of… what exactly? A fulfilling second act? A graceful ascent into wisdom and contentment? No, no, no. That would be far too reasonable.

Instead, I present to you a time-tested formula for making the second half of your life as miserable as humanly possible. Follow these simple steps, and I guarantee an existence filled with regret, stagnation, and general existential dread.

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1. Ignore Your Health Until It’s an Emergency

One of the best ways to ensure misery in middle age is to treat your body like a rental car with no insurance. Eat whatever you want—preferably things that come in plastic wrappers and require no refrigeration. If a vegetable accidentally lands on your plate, glare at it like it owes you money.

Exercise? What is this, an Olympic training camp? No, the only sweat you should break is from waddling to the fridge during a Netflix binge. As for sleep, make sure you get either too much or too little, preferably by scrolling on your phone until 3 AM reading about other people’s more interesting lives.

Then, when your doctor kindly suggests that your cholesterol levels resemble a crime scene, scoff and declare that “everyone dies eventually.” That’ll show them.

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2. Financial Ruin: A Lifelong Commitment

You’ve spent decades earning a living, so now’s the perfect time to make spectacularly terrible financial choices. Here’s how:

• Spend at least 110% of what you make.
• Convince yourself that retirement planning is for the weak.
• Take on massive debt for things that depreciate in value faster than your metabolism.
• Never, under any circumstances, learn even the most basic financial principles.

That way, when you inevitably hit financial hardship, you can shake your fist at the economy, the government, and your cousin Steve (who, let’s be honest, was always a little too smug).

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3. Hold Grudges Like They’re Family Heirlooms

Nothing keeps misery alive like a good, old-fashioned grudge. If someone wronged you in 1998, by all means, keep the bitterness alive. Let it simmer, let it marinate—never let it go.

Resentment is particularly effective against ex-spouses, former friends, and coworkers who got promoted ahead of you. If someone offers reconciliation, reject it with righteous indignation. If anyone suggests therapy, snort and declare that “talking about feelings is for millennials.”

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4. Compare Yourself to Everyone (Especially Those Doing Better)

Social media exists for one primary purpose: to make you feel inadequate. Be sure to spend hours scrolling, marveling at the achievements of people you barely remember from high school.

If an old friend buys a summer home, sink into despair over your lack of real estate empire. If a colleague’s child gets into an Ivy League school, start catastrophizing about how your own children will inevitably end up living in your basement.

At no point should you consider that people curate their online lives to look better than reality. That would introduce logic, and logic has no place in a well-cultivated life of misery.

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5. Make Zero Effort to Keep Learning

By middle age, you know everything you need to know. Why read new books, pick up new skills, or attempt self-improvement? That sounds exhausting. Instead, recycle the same five opinions you’ve had since 1993 and insist that anything new is “overrated” or “not like it used to be.”

If someone mentions artificial intelligence, dismiss it as a fad. If a friend takes up painting or starts learning French, roll your eyes and say, “Some of us don’t have time for hobbies.”

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6. Resist Any and All Change

Change is for the flexible, the adaptable, the forward-thinking. But you? You have standards. If things were good enough in 1987, they’re good enough now. Refuse to upgrade your phone, mock new music, and insist that “movies just aren’t as good as they used to be.”

If your company introduces new technology, complain loudly and refuse to learn it. If your kids try to explain memes to you, respond with “Back in my day, we had real humor, like Monty Python.”

By ensuring that you remain stubbornly stuck in your ways, you can alienate younger people while also making yourself thoroughly unprepared for the future. A double win.

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7. Develop a Supreme Sense of Self-Pity

Finally, and most importantly, make sure to wallow in self-pity at every available opportunity. Whenever something goes wrong, don’t ask yourself how you can fix it—ask, “Why does this always happen to ME?”

Blame fate, bad luck, and the universe itself. If a friend shares good news, sigh deeply and say, “Must be nice.” If someone offers advice, dismiss it immediately—after all, you’re special in your suffering.

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Final Thoughts (If You Even Want to Hear Them)

If you’ve followed this guide closely, you should now be well on your way to a life filled with bitterness, stagnation, and general dissatisfaction. Congratulations! You are officially the human embodiment of a wet blanket.

However, should you accidentally want to do the opposite and have a fulfilling middle age, simply reverse everything you just read. Learn, adapt, exercise, save money, forgive people, and stop comparing yourself to strangers on the internet.

But that sounds like a lot of work, doesn’t it? Misery is so much easier.

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References I Had to Look Up

1. Chutzpah

• Question: What is chutzpah?
• Explanation: Chutzpah is a Yiddish word meaning extreme self-confidence, audacity, or boldness—often to the point of being brazen. It can be used positively (fearless determination) or negatively (shameless arrogance).

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2. Demosthenes

• Question: Who is Demosthenes?
• Explanation: Demosthenes (384–322 BCE) was an Athenian statesman and one of the greatest orators of ancient Greece. He is best known for his Philippics, a series of speeches warning Athens about the rising power of Philip II of Macedon (father of Alexander the Great). Despite a speech impediment, he trained himself to be a master speaker and remains a symbol of rhetorical excellence.

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3. Cicero

• Question: Who is Cicero?
• Explanation: Cicero (106–43 BCE) was a Roman statesman, lawyer, and philosopher known for his eloquence in both political and philosophical writings. He played a crucial role in the Roman Republic, opposing Julius Caesar and later Mark Antony. His Catiline Orations and extensive letters remain key sources on Roman politics and rhetoric.

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4. Samuel Johnson

• Question: Who is Samuel Johnson?
• Explanation: Samuel Johnson (1709–1784) was an English writer, lexicographer, and critic, best known for compiling A Dictionary of the English Language (1755), which shaped modern English. He was also a poet, essayist, and conversationalist, famously documented in The Life of Samuel Johnson by James Boswell. His wit and deep insights into human nature made him one of the greatest literary figures of his time.

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5. Milton’s Paradise Lost

• Question: How long is Milton’s Paradise Lost?
• Explanation: John Milton’s Paradise Lost is an epic poem of 12 books and 10,565 lines, written in blank verse. First published in 1667 (originally in 10 books, later revised to 12), it tells the biblical story of Satan’s rebellion, Adam and Eve’s fall, and themes of free will, obedience, and redemption. It is one of the most important works in English literature.

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6. Disraeli Compromise

• Question: What is the Disraeli Compromise?
• Explanation: The Disraeli Compromise refers to British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli’s strategic maneuvering to pass the Second Reform Act of 1867, which expanded voting rights in Britain. Though the Conservatives traditionally resisted electoral reform, Disraeli outmaneuvered the Liberals by embracing and pushing a more radical expansion of suffrage, securing working-class support and strengthening his party’s future.

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7. Philip Wylie

• Question: Who is Philip Wylie?
• Explanation: Philip Wylie (1902–1971) was an American writer and social critic known for his works in science fiction, social commentary, and speculative fiction. His notable works include:
  • Gladiator (1930) – An early influence on Superman.
  • When Worlds Collide (1933) – A sci-fi novel about planetary destruction.
  • Generation of Vipers (1942) – A controversial critique of American culture, coining the term “Momism” to criticize overbearing mothers.
    His sharp social critiques and forward-thinking ideas left a lasting impact on American literature and thought.

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8. Elihu Root

• Question: Who is Elihu Root?
• Explanation: Elihu Root (1845–1937) was an American statesman, lawyer, and Nobel Peace Prize winner (1912). He served as:
  • U.S. Secretary of War (1899–1904)
  • U.S. Secretary of State (1905–1909)
  • U.S. Senator from New York
    Root was known for modernizing the U.S. military, promoting international law, and advocating diplomacy over conflict. His reforms significantly shaped American foreign policy in the early 20th century.

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9. “Dog Went to Dover, Leg Over Leg”

• Question: What does “Dog went to Dover, leg over leg” mean?
• Explanation: This is a traditional English folk saying or nursery rhyme fragment. It describes a dog’s steady walking motion (“leg over leg”) as it travels to Dover (a coastal town in England).
  • Literal meaning: The natural rhythm of a dog walking.
  • Figurative meaning: Steady, step-by-step progress toward a goal.
  • Folkloric use: It appears in nursery rhymes and proverbs, often illustrating persistence and movement.

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Summary of Charlie Munger’s Harvard School Commencement Speech (Talk One, Poor Charlie’s Almanack)

In his speech at Harvard (now Harvard-Westlake), Charlie Munger humorously outlines a guaranteed path to misery, using inversion to highlight behaviors and attitudes that should be avoided. His approach, inspired by Johnny Carson, presents a checklist of self-destructive habits that lead to failure.

The Key Ways to Ensure Misery (According to Munger):

1. Ingest Toxic Substances (Alcohol and Drugs)
   • Munger warns that substance abuse is a fast track to ruining one’s life.
   • He emphasizes that countless intelligent people have destroyed their careers, relationships, and well-being due to addiction.
   • His advice: Avoid mind-altering substances entirely to maintain mental clarity and sound judgment.
2. Succumb to Envy
   • He points out that envy is the only deadly sin that brings no pleasure.
   • People often waste energy comparing themselves to others, leading to bitterness and resentment.
   • Instead of being envious, focus on self-improvement and personal goals.
3. Harbor Resentment and Stay Angry
   • Holding onto grudges is a surefire way to make yourself miserable.
   • Resentment and bitterness don’t harm the people you resent—they only hurt you.
   • Munger suggests that instead of blaming others, take responsibility and move forward.
4. Be Unreliable
   • One of the most underappreciated yet essential traits for success is reliability.
   • Many intelligent people fail because they are not dependable.
   • Anyone can be reliable, regardless of talent—so make it a habit.
5. Only Learn from Your Own Experiences (Ignore the Mistakes of Others)
   • He criticizes those who refuse to study history and other people’s failures.
   • Learning from others’ mistakes is an efficient way to avoid unnecessary pain.
   • Instead of stubbornly experiencing failure firsthand, study past successes and failures.
6. Give Up Easily
   • Many people fail simply because they quit too soon.
   • Persistence and resilience are key differentiators between success and failure.
   • Successful people keep going despite difficulties, while unsuccessful people use setbacks as excuses to stop.
7. Ignore Inversion and Critical Thinking
   • Instead of asking, “How do I succeed?” ask, “What will cause failure?” and then avoid those things.
   • Inversion is a powerful mental model that helps prevent poor decisions.
   • Most people fail not because they lack intelligence but because they don’t think carefully about their choices.

Conclusion:

Munger’s speech is a blueprint for avoiding self-inflicted misery. By humorously outlining the worst possible habits, he indirectly teaches graduates how to live a successful and fulfilling life. His core message is simple: Avoid stupidity, develop reliability, and think critically.

This speech encapsulates Munger’s lifelong philosophy—success is often about avoiding dumb mistakes rather than making brilliant moves.